At age 40 I could still count the number of blind dates I had endured on one hand. I know I'm not the only one that had to convince myself mightily that entering the moxie and mystery of online dating was going to be a productive method to the madness. My online profile went live before I really understood what and how the process worked, and sure enough it only took hours to get roped into an online chat with someone who proceeded to invite me to coffee - after his kids went to bed. Not being a regular coffee drinker and not one who drinks it after noon (not to mention thinking more about who was going to be at home with those sleeping kids), I felt my sense of flexibility immediately hanging in the balance, and asked where he had in mind. He said Shari's.
In Portland, Shari's might have passed muster in high school. Not now.
I got out of that conversation right then.
Several months later, dozens of conversational misfires, many solid first dates, a few wacky experiences and (thankfully) some pleasantly memorable companionship, my experience reveals some commonalities among eligible men:
1) Emotional intelligence isn't a given in men over 40.
2) Most men bring an ex (or two) into the conversation on a first date. And I don't mean in the explaining their history way, I mean in the I'm-going-to-talk-about-my-ex way.
3) Seeing where and how men live sooner than later is a darn good idea.
4) The inner teenager of men (and their exes) is alarmingly vital. And vitally alarming.
(This last is the revelation of being texted by an ex-girlfriend who stole my number out of my (really darn lovely) date's phone).
And in my experience (by which I mean men I've met more than once), men largely fall into one of three basic categories:
1) Nice but uninspiring
2) Inspiring but arrogant
3) Hot
Sadly, they rarely fall into positive multiples.
Lately, third dates seem to be the hangup.
Accepting or offering a third date with someone means there is some kind of clear connection, chemistry or just plain good fun. You know, worth the time, or at least reverencing a plan made a week in advance. I have a little courtesy reminder for the folk who find themselves at this stage in the game.
1) When you send the text that cancels the plans made with advance consideration, take care you're not immediately after also sending me the "I cleared my schedule!" text meant for someone else.
2) When you spend a weekend waffling between me and the ex that suddenly wants you back, just figure out what you want without expecting I'm going to get involved. I'm not.
3) Keep your phone to yourself - so my number doesn't get stolen by that ex who actually acts on her own insecurities to text me late at night!
I don't think I could make up this stuff unless I tried.....or was writing bad young adult fiction.
Yes, I am still dating.
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