I like people. As opposed to those who dread human interaction, if I worked without it I'd go nuts. But as much as I like people I am terrible at making space for them on a purely social level; the demands of my work and parenting life against other people's demands of work and family life just don't afford much time for that. Imagine how spare this makes dating and relating to new-found folk. Desert-like.
For the lexicon, anyone you know and with whom you enjoy spending leisure time qualifies as a Relationship. I have at times unwittingly found myself comparing my behaviors to the qualities of friends' ex-girlfriends. All kinds of relationship deserve intentional thought and scrutiny, not just those that land in the bedroom. I have discovered that boundary compatibility is a helpful scope of reference in weathering relationship survival.
Previously I wrote about some of the personal merits of my recent experience with a blind date. Those were securities that accompany the kind of date you don't need to see again. Then the day comes you meet someone you truly enjoy. You know the one: the one you begin editing your consideration for how early or late you can call or text. The one you want to put to the Weekend Test. The one who keeps you curious like the lasting sensation of nettles once the stinging discomfort wears off. The one you want to talk to your girlfriends about.
Needless to say, this doesn't happen to me very often. I rarely rub shoulders with someone who interests me this much. It would be dangerously distracting if I hadn't discovered the survival skill that makes it all reasonably survivable. Business equity.
As in equitable busy-ness. The not so secret survival skill that makes it all enjoyable with less the stress is just plain compatible time availability. I have come by this nugget the long way. In college it was a wonderfully kind boyfriend that taught me we make time for the things we truly want to make time for, so busy-ness and availability are always subjective measures of attention. In that case, I was on the sorry end of not making enough time for someone I thoroughly enjoyed but who deserved much more. A few years ago I had the privilege of sharing several months with a generous someone who set the bar of amazing....but was too available. It took a lot of our combined tears to illuminate that injustice (and if he's reading this I know he has forgiven that inadequacy), a flooded plain later. It takes a lot of patience to grow time with someone, anyone, to whom I want to give my time. Busy is on my side this way.
Surrendering to the sweetness of it all really requires disciplined compartmentalization. Rather than resent how busy I am, I just know it. I have gratitude that I'm not the only one with unusually slim social availability. And I take the rest as it comes.
